Celebrate Catmas! Celebrate Dogmas! - Christmas music for dog and cat lovers

DOGMAS SONGS AND POEM

1. "Riding in the Car" sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells"

Sights and smells! Sights and smells! All along the way! Oh, what fun it is to take a car ride any day! Hey! Sights and smells! Sights and smells! All along the way! Oh, please let me hang my face into the wind today!

Oh! Sights and smells! Sights and smells! All along the way! Oh, what fun it is to take a car ride any day! Hey! Sights and smells! Sights and smells! All along the way! Oh, please let me hang my face into the wind today!

Nose smears on the glass, I make annoying sounds. Now it's become a war, I want the window down! Silent but deadly, I let a big one rip. That gets the window down and fast, on this fun family trip, hey!

Sights and smells! Sights and smells! All along the way! Oh, what fun it is to take a car ride any day! Hey! Sights and smells! Sights and smells! All along the way! Oh, please let me hang my face into the wind today!

2. The Twelve Days of Dogmas
Sung to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas"

On the first day of Dogmas my human said to me,
Bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

On the second day of Dogmas my human said to me,
Get off the couch! And bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

On the third day of Dogmas my human said to me,
Time for a bath! Get off the couch! And bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

On the fourth day of Dogmas my human said to me,
Stop sniffing poops! Time for a bath! Get off the couch! And bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

On the fifth day of Dogmas my human said to me,
No chasing cats! Stop sniffing poops! Time for a bath! Get off the couch! And bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

On the sixth day of Dogmas my human said to me,
Your breaths a-stinking! No chasing cats! Stop sniffing poops! Time for a bath! Get off the couch! And bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

On the seventh day of Dogmas my human said to me,
Don't eat that road-kill! Your breaths a-stinking! No chasing cats! Stop sniffing poops! Time for a bath! Get off the couch! And bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

On the eighth day of Dogmas my humans said to me,
What's that you're chewing? Don't eat that road-kill! Your breaths a-stinking! No chasing cats! Stop sniffing poops! Time for a bath! Get off the couch! And bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

On the ninth day of Dogmas my human said to me,
Out of the garbage! What's that you're chewing? Don't eat that road-kill! Your breaths a-stinking! No chasing cats! Stop sniffing poops! Time for a bath! Get off the couch! And bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

On the tenth day of Dogmas my human said to me,
Obedience training! Out of the garbage! What's that you're chewing? Don't eat that road-kill! Your breaths a-stinking! No chasing cats! Stop sniffing poops! Time for a bath! Get off the couch! And bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

On the eleventh day of Dogmas my human said to me,
Away from the cat box! Obedience training! Out of the garbage! What's that you're chewing? Don't eat that road-kill! Your breaths a-stinking! No chasing cats! Stop sniffing poops! Time for a bath! Get off the couch! And bad dog, don't knock down the tree!

But the twelfth day of Dogmas my human said to me,
You're smart and fearless! Playful and funny! Happy to see me! Loyal, forgiving! Faithful companion! Your tails a-wagging! What a nice kiss! Heart of gold! Let's take a walk! Nap on the couch! Eat table scraps! And good dog, you are my best friend!

3. Let Us Kiss You
Sung to the tune of "Deck the Halls"

Let us kiss you on the mouth Fa la la la la la la la la!
After eating something foul Fa la la la la la la la la!
Give us things decayed and mushy Fa la la la la la la la la!
We eat it all, we are not fussy Fa la la la la la la la la!

Private parts we lick and slurp Fa la la la la la la la la!
As guests enjoy holiday dessert Fa la la la la la la la la!
Sniffing all the ladies crotches Fa la la la la la la la la!
Humping legs while everyone watches Fa la la la la la la la la!

Embarrass you with our behavior Fa la la la la la la la la!
Forget the rules that you belabor Fa la la la la la la la la!
Innocent without pretension Fa la la la la la la la la!
All we want is your affection Fa la la la la la la la la!

4. Tenacity
Sung to the tune of "O Tannenbaum"

Tenacity, tenacity
Humans dine on savory meals
Tenacity, tenacity
Sit, don't beg! Hey what's the deal?
They say don't beg, but this ignore
There'll soon be scraps upon the floor
Tenacity, tenacity
Hang in there and keep begging

Tenacity, tenacity
Your food is so alluring
Tenacity, tenacity
Persistence is endearing
To beg for food, it takes some time
Soulful eyes, a little whine
Tenacity, tenacity
Hang in there and keep begging

Tenacity, tenacity
Patiently, we lick our chops
Tenacity, tenacity
We eat the crumbs and scraps that drop
Delicious meals upon your plates
Like Pavlov's dogs, we salivate
Tenacity, tenacity
Hang in there and keep begging

5. Veterinarian Time
Sung to the tune of "Auld Lang Syne"

Should veterinarians be forgot, we really would not mind! 'Tis sure that we would ne'er miss, what they put up our behinds

For auld doggies great n' wee, we sing this Dogmas plea

Let not the white coats, probes n' such give us anxiety

We ne'er request our nails to clip, grooming is a certain waste

For once outdoors we'll bolt to roll in fragrant things post haste

For auld doggies great and wee, we sing this Dogmas plea

Let not the white coats, probes and such give us anxiety

The cold steel table, icy stares, disinfectant overtones
The tweezers, sutures and eye drops, O' can't you take us home?

For auld doggies great n' wee, we sing this Dogmas plea

Let not the white coats, probes n' such give us anxiety

The scent o'fear, those hissing cats, 'tis over-stimulation
Try a plastic cone around your neck for the height of humiliation

For auld doggies great n' wee, we sing this Dogmas plea

Let not the white coats, probes n' such give us anxiety

And surely ye must realize we tremble in pure fright
'Tis dark and cold and lonely there, when you leave us overnight

For auld doggies great n' wee, we sing this Dogmas plea

Let not the white coats, probes n' such give us anxiety

So pray forgo at Dogmas time your quest to keep us well

To curl beside you on the couch is our recipe for health

For auld doggies great n' wee, we sing this Dogmas plea

Let not the white coats, probes n' such give us anxiety

6. Dogs are Pure Love
Sung to the tune of "Joy to the World"

Dogs are pure love, for you they live
Like angels from above
No matter what you do to them, they let it pass and they forgive
The wonder of dog's love
The wonder of dog's love
The wonder, the wonder of dog's love

Always your friend! Dogs are true blue
Their loyalty abounds
Devoted and affectionate, they live to cheer and please you
They're filled with gratitude
They're filled with gratitude
Their filled, they're filled with gratitude

Dogs jump with glee, out of their wits
They greet you joyfully
It matters not how long you're gone, for five minutes or all day long
They yip so merrily
They yip so merrily
They kiss you, they kiss you so merrily

7. People Food
Sung to the No. 44 Chorus Hallelujah in Handel's "Messiah"

People food! People food! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
People food! People food!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

For roast beef, rare and bloody, we craveth!
Pass the gravy! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Roast leg of lamb with baked sweet potatoes!
Hold the onions! Hold the onions! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hold the onions! Hold the onions! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Boned Cornish hens with pork sausage stuffing
Buttered biscuits! Buttered biscuits!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

The doggies of this world it's people food they love, people food on this they gorge on this they gorge

And we shall eat forever and ever! People food!
And people food-people food-and people food!
People food-and people food-and people food!

And we shall eat-and we shall eat forever and ever!
Forever and ever! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
And we shall eat forever, forever and ever
People food-and people food-people food-and people food!
And we shall eat forever and ever

People food-and people food
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Yorkshire pudding! Giblet gravy! Roasted chestnuts! Dogmas dinner!
Hallelujah!

8. We Three Dogs Escape the Backyard
Sung to the tune of "We Three Kings of Orient Are"

We three dogs escape the backyard
Finally free we travel afar
Playing, marking, mounting, barking
Dodging the swerving cars

O' brutes of wonder, brutes of might
Dauntless courage, full of fight
We of legend, independent
Howling in the perfect night

On the lam, three dogs in a pack
Running low, we hunt for a snack
Tummies grumbling, now we're mumbling
Where is that dog food sack?

O' dogs so playful, dogs so fun
Dogs like us can jump and run
Have no regrets, worries or frets
Taking each day one by one

Whose that man who's trailing us three?
He's not nice, we hightail and flee
Hiding, sneaking, cringing meekly
No longer are we free

O' doggies trembling, full of fear
Now we're on the verge of tears
Chains a-choking, now we're moping
Doggies we're so sweet and dear

Sad eyes peering through a locked gate
Doggie jail, oh, hideous fate
Whimpering, whining, crying, sighing
Now we're locked into crates

O' puppies lonely, puppies scared
Now we crave our humans' care
Eyes so pleading, we're so needing
We'll be good, we do declare

Our humans come to rescue us three
They seem mad, oh how can it be?
Give us din din-we're forgiven
Back in our home safely

O' brutes of wonder, brutes of might
Dauntless courage, full of fight
We of legend, independent
Howling in the perfect night

9. O' Little Dream of Alpha Dog
Sung to the tune of "O Little Town of Bethlehem"

O' dreaming dog in slumberland, how still we see thee lie!
For in your deep and dream-filled sleep, you see your life go by
In your dog dreams you whineth, at every little sight
The hopes and fears of all your years, are in your dreams tonight

For in your dream you're Alpha, and feared by all the pack
You run and play, and save the day, and fearlessly attack
O' humans and the doggies proclaim you best of all
And if you wish to play and run, they'll throw and throw the ball

With cunning speed and courage, you terrorize the cats
Those stuck up fleabags hiss and scratch-you laugh at their attacks
You plot and plan revenge so sweet, you chase them up a tree
In dreamland you indulge in cat games with impunity

You're Alpha dog, eyes rolled back, you twitch and whoof and play
You relive all those fun filled hours of chasing squirrels today
At clanging bell, your humans rise, obligations they must meet
You circle and you plop back down, for another dream-filled sleep!

10. Aqua, ex alti-thronus (Water from they who are seated in heaven)
Sung to the tune of "Angels We Have Heard on High"

Running, we work up a thirst
Water bowls are filled with slime
Check the hose, it's running dry
Oh, that throne it is sublime
Aqua, ex alti-thronus
Aqua, ex alti-thronus

With sad eyes we do beseech
A little whimper and a moan
Why not kindly lift the seat
So to share your porcelain throne?
Aqua, ex alti-thronus
Aqua, ex alti-thronus

O' refreshing is this well
On deaf ears fall reprimands
To us it makes no sense at all
Not to drink where'er we can
Aqua, ex alti-thronus
Aqua, ex alti-thronus

Humans, why deny this treat?
Here we lap and drink our fill
Eau de potty is so sweet
And to sneak it such a thrill
Aqua, ex alti-thronus
Aqua, ex alti-thronus

11. Away in a Shelter
Sung to the tune of "Away in a Manger"

Away in a shelter, old rags for his bed
The little scared puppy lay down his sweet head
A mangy old mongrel curled up where he lay
The two lonely creatures became friends that day

The shelter was closing, today's Dogmas Eve
The lights are turned off, preparing to leave
A knock on the door, a man and his son
It won't take a minute to pick the right one

The old dog is wise to the ways of the pound
And nudges the puppy so he can be found
The gate it is opened, and to his delight
The boy claims his puppy this holiday night

Away they are leaving, the old dog he sighs
The puppy is frantic, he yips and he cries
The boy and his father spy the old dog alone
On this Dogmas Eve two friends have a new home

12. O' Puppy Night
Sung to the tune of "O Holy Night"

O' puppy dear, your eyes are brightly shining
On Dogmas night we bring a new puppy home
And there he lies so cuddly, sweetly sleeping
'Til he awakes, and begins the house to roam
Explore he goes, so clumsy and so precious
But in his wake a disaster zone
Fall on your knees! O' where could he be hiding!
O' night canine! O' night when he arrived!
O' night canine! O' night, O' night canine!

O' Dogmas tree, the shredded gifts and trimmings
You know your life now 'round him will revolve
Finally you sleep, oh hear the puppy whimpering!
He keeps it up, 'til he breaks your resolve
Take him to bed, the puppy starts his crying
What does he want? This riddle you can't solve
His needs are king! Your home is now his playground
Behold your dog! This gift of Dogmas night!
Behold your dog! This gift of Dogmas night!

13. 'Twas the Day Before Dogmas

'Twas the day before Dogmas, and in Santa's domain There was chaos, confusion, it was all quite insane
For the sleigh was all packed, and in fact filled to the brim But Santa Dog was missing, and they depended on him!

So great are Santa Dog's duties, one cannot overweigh Besides gathering nine reindeer to the magical sleigh
He warns Santa of dangers in clouds, snow and fog And ensures Dogmas gifts for all worthy dogs

Santa, the elves and even the Mrs. Were hunting and calling and having big fitses
Searching cupboards and closets, they scoured the place But of dear Santa Dog they found not a trace

They asked Santa Cat, "Have you seen Santa Dog go?"The cat paused, licked his shoulder and simply said, "No."
The guide dog of reindeer was not to be found No guide dog-no reindeer-no sleigh off the ground!

If Santa had thought to look in the stable Where reindeer are sheltered he would have been able
To see that his dear Dog had not run away But was busy right then with saving the day!

For our vigilant Dog while patrolling had found Those nine silly reindeer 'cross snow meadows had bound
It seems that transfixed by shooting stars in the night The nine ran to catch them and capture their light!

The good Dog had bolted to round up his crew Out into the night like a rocket he flew
He barked to the reindeer as he charged at full speed But the nine were just leaping and paid him no heed

"Stop Dasher, stop Dancer, Prancer, Rudolph and Vixen! Oh, stop running so fast, please Donner and Blitzen!"
He couldn't believe they could be so darn stupid To follow those star-chasers, Comet and Cupid

Now Santa's nine steeds are surely renown For running so swiftly, they fly off the ground
But it's also no secret among elves far and near That there's nothing so dense as a star-chasing 'deer

Through ice valleys and forests Santa Dog tracked like a wizard He leapt giant snowdrifts and steered through a blizzard But the gap with the nine was widening and worse They were heading for doom at The End of the Earth!

Just beyond the North Pole there exists a strange place That's so wide and deep, it falls into space The reindeer with shooting-star fever so blinded Would fall into a pit where they couldn't be finded!

To stop Santa's herd from taking this plunge To a bluff o'er the deer's path did Santa Dog run
The brave loyal canine muttered a short hopeful prayer And with eyes closed he leapt into the frigid night air

As he hurled toward the reindeer he howled out, "Stay back!" And as fortune would have it, the nine stopped in their tracks As it happened the Dog landed in a snowdrift so tall He was buried in white flakes that cushioned his fall
The nine curious reindeer dug out in a twinkling What they thought was a star, but had not an inkling! And as they pulled Santa Dog from the snowy white mound Their star fever broke when they saw what they found

The brave dog was limp and they were all franticThey licked him and nosed him and then they did panic!
Rudolph snapped to attention and honked out an order And raised Santa Dog onto Prancer's broad shoulders

They flew like the wind to where Santa's lamp beckoned And found Santa's stable at the very last second
The herd landed right next to the magical sleigh To the sound of an elf-cheer "Zeek-lap-luk-o-ray!"

Santa Dog flew on that eve with his boss and the Cat Guiding Santa through fog, warning of this danger and that
And as Santa placed presents 'round the trees all aglow Santa Dog found the right ones for puppies also

Each year Santa Dog marks this noteworthy season Called Dogmas-it's for canines for a very good reason
'Cause just like our hero, our dogs are our treasures They're selfless, courageous, and give us great pleasures.

It is said that all dogs and dog lovers as well Can hear Santa Dog's greeting 'midst the sound of sleigh bells
"Merry Dogmas," barks Santa Dog for the faithful to hear It's a blessing you know, one that lasts the whole year!